I have a problem, and in as much you people were the initial perpetrators, I feel that you should be involved with the solution.

The problem is that jar of Rocket Fuel that you sent to me. I have added to, and taken from it, two heads of cauliflower, two bunches of celery, four large bell peppers, about two pounds of carrots, and the jar is still more than half full.

I need to do something with it, before we go home. I am afraid to pour it down the drain because of the effect that it might have on the city’s sewage disposal system, and I am afraid to leave it here all summer, unattended, because I have been seeing TV accounts of the devastation that has resulted from bomb explosions, in Bosnia and South Africa.

Todd and Alaine did all that they could to help use it up, while they were here, but Mom is of no help, whatever. She will not even get close to it.

I have considered sending it to one of the PLO outfits, but if it should blow up on the way over there, I would be accused of all kinds of subversive activities.

Perhaps it would be best to just leave it in the Frig, then if it should explode, the neighbors could say “serves the ornery old fart, just right”.

If you have any suggestions, I would appreciate your advise.

Mom and I send our LOVE,

Note: The above is the text of a letter I sent to Skip not long ago.